Monday 2 November 2009

Forest Scene 16


Forest Scene 16, originally uploaded by shokographic.

from my current photo project "Forest Series"
which may or may not merge with my other project "Ghost"
Any feedback will be warmly appreciated

Also, I'm thinking of compiling into a large format book someday, so any tips on places of printing/publishing will be a massive help!

Thanks,
S h o k o

Monday 12 October 2009

Dreams 11.10.2009

Vivid dreams

I am in Italy or somewhere with some friends, this some friend (I don't know or remember) knew a film director, a very rich and high profile guy, and we were lucky enough that he was around when we passed by his gorgeous building he lives.
He had one amazing place to live, a high suite room in a building, so high when we get invited briefly into his place that we could see outer space!
There I saw what I all wanted to see in space, a huge and clear milky way so close, and a giant Noah's ark ship.
It was as if he had the best view of space possible from his window. and this legendary ship like Titanic was almost a myth lots of people argued if this really existed at all.
Though kind enough to invite me to this view the film director had no much time for us, he is a world acclaimed popular celebrity in the end, so we had to leave there soon, but he promised to show me more when I "happen" to be around next saying "come back in 2 weeks or so, you can stay and I'll show you around", to this, I seriously expected happen, but knew it'd be hard to be lucky enough again to see him and I had to come back to Italy for that rare chance.

Another vivid dreams.

I was on a train supposedly my commuting train back home from work, I'm standing in front of Viktor and Adam who were sitting and talking, at a stop we had to change the train opposite side of the platform, Wojtek was there too and we ran for the other train, which departed right after we got on.
I was wearing a pair of men's shoes which sole needed mending because they had fabric base I stepped on chewing gum so the fabric part was coming off. I and Wojtek were walking at a point and I was looking for a shoe repair shop, some shops were selling bras (that I thought were cute but didn't pay attention much then) and vintage sun glasses etc. The shop assistant was looking for what I needed for me.
The place changes, I was now walking in sand and some parts started to crack as we walk, so I had to be extra careful with my shoes and where I walk.
Through a dark tunnel, I was flying like a time capsule travel with other people who all had to hide their faces with hood, masks and covers for some reason I didn't understand but something to do with hiding their identity while traveling this tunnel, but I hide my face so some people were making remarks about me flying with my face uncovered.
I arrived in what I knew was a "Utopia". (or like heaven as we imagine..)
Very vast green field with many people randomly having picnics and running around having fun.
I have a walk around, al is peaceful, there is no sign of worries or anything negative there, everything was happiness.
I feel peaceful and walk around with my camera in my hand.
I come to the hill side of green where I spot something burning which was odd in the Utopia, "Red" wasn't what was meant "peaceful" there let alone "burning" element.
I get close to that scene and I see some camera crew filming the burning scene and I understand that it was a conceptual or advertizement going on.
I like the contrast of the burning red against vivid green field I frame some images with my camera.

I think I've been to this green place before in my dreams...

Tuesday 29 September 2009

Dreams: 29.09.2009



The first day after a long time I wear Nic patch (step2) during my sleep.
I love the effect when I see an amazing sky with full of stars, which happened this morning.

I was visiting cafe Oto though the place in my dream was different to the real place, more hippy with hammocks and wooden benches, I love the place all the same.
I was talking to Keiko (the owner) in the sunny part of the venue, I say "I'd bake a green tea cake with red bean curd" and she goes "Oh yes! we'd work on that for cafe and I'd even take a day off for it, let's do it!" I am happy because I can contributing something I love for somewhere/people I love. We talk passionately about the place.
Now we are watching the earth with some astronomical movement, not burning but like a mini big ban, very copper red and atmosphere with surrounding stars are all swelling up and down (like in the pic above), beside this phenomenon we can spot many many shooting stars.
We watch this in owe.

Next, I was visiting family friends of Matsubara in Brazil.
I am holding a baby girl of about 8 months old wearing baby pink clothes, presumably of Marcelo and Lucia's baby. (that they just found out they're having) and another baby is held by someone else (Lucia or my mom, I don't remember). The baby seems to find it comfortable and sleeping in my arms. We are on the move to somewhere, walking in group of 5-6 of us in subarban city with some ran down buildings and squares. At one point we have to gp through the fenced area we find a hole to pass but I decide it's barely a size of a baby and not worth risking, I didn't want the baby to wake from her peaceful mind. We have bonded very well and the baby smiles at me time to time and we could talk in our heads to communicate.
Somehow we arrive at where we should, home of Matsubara I think where Mrs Matsubara welcomes us back and the babies are wiped well.
I could see the semi-bubbled smooth skin of the babies. The older one (that I wasn't holding) gets wind blown to dry by someone with a paper fan, seeing that, the baby I ws with comes to me and whispers to my ear "I want the wind too" I was pleased with her opening up to me and happily give her some wind to dry, she looks happy.

Saturday 26 September 2009

Dreams: 26.09.2009

I had a dream of fire, it was scary and even felt a bit of heat.
I was having a meal with Mariko in a restaurant but looked more of market food stall.
We were sharing a big plate of pizza like food, a taster of different flavor (some being very Japanese flavour like Yuzu and Daikon).
I was sitting so far from her we couldn't talk, so I moved my s
eating to next to her.
When we were still eating, a Chinese guy came in running and shouting in Chinese, he tells me something in upsetting state, he sensed I don't understand the language, so went to tell other people, but at this time I saw a fire blaze coming our way from Mariko's side of the building.
We panicked, and I took her hand and started running towards window which leads to outside.
At this point, the fire was so close we needed immediate evacuation.
We noticed that the way we were going to escape from the fire was also in blaze and found ourselves sandwiched in fire.
The ground got very hot and I was in bare feet.
Mariko was couching and sat down almost losing to fight, I tried
to take her but she wouldn't come, so I make a move more towards the open field where this happened to be the playground near my home in Japan.
I felt like I abandoned her, but somehow she made it where I was where f
inally was safe from the fire.

Another dream was full of bees.
They were flying everywhere and were more than 100's in group.
I blush around to avoid contact, but at some point they seemed to be sleeping/resting and they all had shells over their body which all had various illustrations, like those in London cabs, some advert designs on them.
I spot some had helmet illustrations on and some similar ones and so on.



Sunday 6 September 2009

Mosaic portfolio 1: in my eyes



Dreams: 06.09.2009


I had a dream, greatly influenced by the book I'm reading now, "Black Rain" by Masuji Ibuse, a fiction about Hiroshima Bomb based on historical accord of the nu-clear bomb attack in Hiroshima.
I was first having a peaceful picnic in a big forest and there were many people and family having a nice picnic day. I am with a friend I don't remember who now, walking around the field and find some military people patrolling and I suddenly feel uneasy about the air.
When I come back to where we were sitting, there are bits of many things left from people's picnic stuff, a cardigan, a sitting blanket, a bottle of wine, water, sandwiches, fruits etc abandoned so suddenly and everyone had vanished, it was very ghosty scene.
I find a woman who was sitting only in her underwear, she can't find a dress she was wearing, looking very vacant and perplexed.
Next thing I know, I was injured all my skin, burned so it was swollen and red with fresh water blisters, and along with many other people (from the picnic scene) I was forced to walk through a big building from room to room. I was forced to dip in a hot bath which only worsen my skin wound and I get scared but I am more scared by the guards who watch over us to make sure we all obey the orders. I come across my old friend Kano, who had just come out from the bath, all her skin so red and inflamed, she said hi to me but she had this vacant sad look in her eyes, surrendering to the situation she had been placed. (no defense but accept and obey)
I try to watch what's going on here and see if there is a chance I could escape, but no hope there, I'm just too scared so I try not to stand out and follow the sad crowd.

(end)

I feel a strong gut that tells me I miss and love Hiroshima where my mother is from and most of her side relatives all experienced the bomb. I spent my childhood summer holiday there listening to the temple's bells on the 6th of August at 8:15AM (the time the bomb struck) annually when everyone gives a minute silent pray and everything becomes stand-still for it. I spent the hot summer days in my little room in my grand parents house reading "Hadashi no Gen"("Barefoot Gen" now translated in English and I greatly recommend a read and was made into Anime TV series too here is a part-*warning:pretty shocking content-) cartoon about a boy who survived the bomb but witness so many agony in people who were left in a burning Hiroshima where lots of blackened bodies lay and people barely alive with their skin all hanging wander unconsciously.
All those people who survived and had so many stories are now dying after 64 years on now, strange it may be but not just an accord of the Hiroshima bomb but purely for the meaning of being one Japanese national I feel I have to know more about the history and the roots of myself.

Saturday 29 August 2009

Dreams: 29.08.2009


I am in the car, driving lesson.
My friend Shane is behind the wheel and Aya and one more girl (I don't remember, Haruka?) are in the back seat as well, me next to Shane. And somehow a driving coach is on board and supervising the driving skills.
We are in a small town with some deserted countryside so the roads and situation are varied.
Shane was very good, but in the very narrow steep down hill he had to pull off to the side because he couldn't pull the brake well, we were all scared if we are falling from the narrow road into the hedge.
A place change:
I am now on the back seat and someone is driving (a lady) I just enjoy the scenery we pass.
It's by the sea and endless field by the sea.
Somehow the scene from the window is very high as if I'm on the up deck of a double decker bus. I spot some wild horses running around, very hairy ones.
The driver tries to U-turn and I say "oh, please stop by if you can so I can take photos of them"
The lady says Ok, so I took my camera out, and find out they are unicorns! I can see the single horn sticking out from their head.
A place change:
I am now walking with my mom in the countryside of Hiroshima, somehow connected from the field I spotted the unicorns.
We walk by the water channel which leads to the sea towards where we are walking.
This is Kure, Hirohsima, where my mom was brought up and I spent some summers here, I was born here too.
My mom walks with confidence as she knows the place so well, I follow her and started to recognize and feel "Ah this is good old Kure" and feel nostalgia. We could smell the salty sea.
A place change:
Now I am at my grand parents house in Kure, my mom prepared dinner and gone out.
There are, Haruka, Aya, my cousin Asako, my grandma from Kure and my other grandma from Osaka (my dad's mom) in the room.
Haruka and Aya are wearing school uniform so my grandmas can see, but I'm not, so I say thanks to them. Haruka's one are from high school in China, Aya's ones are the same I had in my high school.
I put the dishes together so we can all eat at a table.
We start eating, grandma had some special dishes just for them prepared, some beautiful looking fish dishes. I serve them and they enjoy.
I noticed a cooker, a fire, was left on, so I stood and switch off.
Kure grandma is eating "Saba no Nikomi"(stewed mackerel in soya sauce) and she doesn't notice she is spilling the juice on her shoulder as she bites. I took some tissue out and wipe for her discreetly, thinking and knowing she wouldn't like to be treated like a baby or an old woman. She says "oh no I didn't know.. thanks" and keeps eating.
End:

She loved fish and always used to get the freshest fish caught on the same day when we visited her. She could just walk and find a fisherman in the neighborhood. It was such a small town where we used to walk to the sea after dinner and stare at the stars, we could hear the neighboring TV sound of baseball matches, Tofu selling people in bicycle.
I've never lived anywhere what we can call a "countryside" or a "village", so my summer time spent in Kure was so precious and memorable.
I love dreaming and seeing my Kure grandma in my dreams, she passed 12 years ago just after I moved to UK, and ever since that she appears in my dream so much I have to one day present "best supporting actress" award. :)

Friday 21 August 2009

Dream: 19.08.2009



It's been almost 3 days since I saw this dream, and it's very hazy or I've forgotten! but thought it ought to be written here because it's..... just funny!

I was eating a bowl of stirfry or some sort which is unusual for me to dream about food (things we are content with are not major subjects in dreams in my experiences).
And I see something is moving inside the bowl.
It was a miniature spiderman, size of a key and it climbs out from the bowl and starts climbing onto the wall of the kitchen.
I stare at him and not even surprised, and understand "right, he's a spiderman, so he's ought to ...er..climb, let him."

Sunday 16 August 2009

Portsmouth 15.08.2009






South West trains are doing the £10 day trip deal on their entire lines, so my colleague Zsuzsa tells me, so I booked my friend Judith who can be so spontaneous too and our tickets straight away on friday.
I seem to need to do spontaneous adventures very often and though I love London, I am under my own control in London for what to do and where to go, so I needed to go somewhere I have no control or feeling whatever, so Portsmouth is a random choice.
I even took my swimsuit but had no luck with the sun, it was windy and not warm enough for a dip. so we just sat on pebble beach and drank a nice bottle of Cava.
And as with almost ANY British coast, there's a pier, and amusement place, where we only went in to use the toilet, but of course the toilet is out of service, but we ended up stuck with a 2p coin machine.
I love coin games like good old times, some kids were keen to use the machine we were in, but we don't care, we spent good 50 minutes and £5 on it.
I couldn't believe Judith never has played this game.
I think it is a great fun and when can any 2p gives you this much pleasure and entertainment!? (we were stingy to play 10p version of this game)

Off we walk on Castle Road where we found a blue plate of Peter Sellers who lived here.
Then on Great Southsea Street, I found a pub Dan was recommending me to go, just by chance!
and how grateful I was, it's such a lovely pub! (Hall in the Wall is the name)
At first, people drinking outside were curious about us coming in, it's the air I tend to get when I am outside London and I get looked at and "who are you?! this is our local pub not for lousy tourists, not for foreigners!" kind of atmosphere.
But all was fine. The landlord was very nice, gave us some samples of ales before we sat happily with our Ales in our hands, admiring their wonderful ceiling works of all the ales they served, over 100. (see the pic)

We got tipsy on our way home on the train, but friendly guy at the station insists on giving us a can of beer to enjoy onboard.
Great time to spend outside London sometimes when we just need some new air, I am happy being a tourist in London too, I still remember the buzz of this city of creativity, arts, beautiful shambles, grey cold sky, milky tea, etc from 18 years ago when I decided to live here.

By the way, British coasts are so beautiful you can stare for ages.
This one particularly resembles a bunch of tree patterns.

Saturday 8 August 2009

Dreams: 08.08.2009


I was with my mom traveling.We come to cross the border to enter Georgia, we are little bit scared not to know what to expect and could already feel the air being very different to anywhere we've been to, very grey and heavy air.
We say hi to the border control women officers who were dressed in thick uniform and looked stern. One of the women says "Genki desuka?" (Japanese meaning "How are you?") to us as we passed by, to this my mom went more scared whispering to me "No..they will be spying on us and will get us!" and started walking very fast.
I whisper back "No, lots of people speak a bit of Japanese nowadays and nothing unusual, especially immigration people.." but she didn't listen and her walking turned into running grabbing my arm in her arm so we are now running fast.
There was no one in the sight but dim dark twilight and fields and fields of nothingness.
The only small road we were on became a steep downhill and at this point our speed was so fast I was very scared but couldn't stop like a broken bicycle.
At the top of the speed, we spot a group of wild horses coming towards us running furiously, we would crush, so I hold my mom tight and forced to come off the road before we crush.
We rolled over a few time into the side of the road and feel some parts of my mom breaking like a plastic doll in my arms.

Thursday 30 July 2009

Dreams: 27.07.2009


It took me 4 days to actually write this blog since I dreamt, so it's faint now, but it was pretty amazing I had to put down here.
It must be actually boring to just "read" dreams (someone else's too!) here, and I always feel quite ashamed that I can't express enough the amazing visionaries.
This is no exception..

I was at home in Japan (as always in my dreams), and in the evening, our house somehow had this massive glass windows where we are watching the stars move.
They were moving in time lapse, the sky is moving so fast like 100 times faster that we can experience the whole night clear sky/stars movement in an hour.
I was dazzled with its beauty and completely tranced out with this while other people around me were rather not touched as if they see this every night. There were shooting stars too every few seconds.
I am filming this with my iPhone and other camera.
It looked almost exactly like this, (totally amazing clip I was introduced by my friend Manjeev, thanks!)

Some point, I am watching what I shot, somehow this was commissioned to broadcast in Japan, but all I see was shots of some Japanese band members (Diamond Yukai, The Privates were there) and I'm wondering what happened to the film and at the same time I'm professionally ashamed of my technique and quality of film I produced and worrying about the reaction of viewers and clients.

That was that. I have once seen a sky like this, full milky way and many shooting stars, in Tokushima, Japan 15 years ago, me and friends were lying on the road and counting shooting stars and we didn't know what we were watching, milky way! because we couldn't believe they were all stars together which made up to make such a big strip of line and such bright thing! I thought it was a thick cloud. But the one I saw in my dream was more beautiful especially it was time lapsed.
I like "visions" that we can "see" wether in photography or dreams, films because it can portray little bit beyond what human bare eye can capture. (Although I have to note that our eyes are superior to camera lens in a literal sense.)


Sunday 26 July 2009

Dreams: 26.07.2009

I love dreaming with nicotine patch vivid affect so much, but sometimes this is very tiring and need to shut down when I sleep (on a weekday normally) so I started to take off before going to bed (I'm on 24 hour patch) but I was wearing one this morning since I was drunk last night and wasn't aware..
Hence I had amazing vivid, scary dreams again, 2nd one is almost like a proper prologue of a horror film (a bit cheap kind though to my liking like "Hostel" style)

First dream;

I was back in Japan, and as we normally do, my mom and I were in a shopping centre, she wants to spoil me and buy something I like. We are buying a bag or scarf (I don't remember) and at the till, she is greeting with a saleswoman and says "This is my daughter, lives in London" and she adds some remark which is her worry, so for myself too "She's not married yet.." or something like that, then I took it too personal and got very angry. We were talking in Japanese, but I started shouting in English to her half-conscious that she would understand (she understands English pretty well) "what does that mean?! Just because I'm not married and have no kids or house, I'm not intentionally doing it, so don't make it sound like I'm incomplete as a human!!"
Then I ran off into shopping centre's backdoor.
Place changes and now I have just arrived in Japan, but at the goods loading area of the big shopping centre Takashimaya, we have our exclusive storage and VIP customer service, there is a door with our name Ishikawa. We are taking my big suitcase but my mom asks me to take all the stuff inside into some bag to take home but not the suitcase. I say "no I need the suitcase at home so I know how much stuff I can pack to go home-London- when I go".
I was opening the suitcase, at this time my usual big normal suitcase turned into a big hard shell white guitar case which I thought was cool.
Place changes again, me and my mom are half running because my dad has come to pick us up from the airport, this time he came to different junction (like motorway junction) and waiting for us.
It's late at night and only light was from the moon, there is the sea on the left side, and right side was forest-like nature with a motorway running across.
We were running on a wet asphalt but because of the darkness and moonlight, it looks like an ice shone in blue, very beautiful.
I say this to my mom and we slow down to see the scenery a little bit.
My dad joins us and suddenly it was daytime and other people around too.
We stopped by the shore and I see, yellowy white fat snake coiled up on a piece of wood, my dad says "Look, it's swallowing something" we see something has just been eaten by it, a rather big belly part was moving downward, I imagine the prey being a rascal or a beaver...
The I see yellow tropical fish almost walking on the shore, followed by shiny blue hairtail fish "running" after it. I go to the other side towards the dry field where I see some other animals.
I take my camera and shoot away. The way I take photos is exactly how I do and sometimes struggle with flash being on and off, frame size and macro settings, weird.. this was very realistic!


Second dream:
I and my mom are on holiday somewhere and in a massive complex of shopping/restaurants/amusement, we are in a food court and queueing to pay. It's very busy.
My mom couldn't wait long and went for "Men" section of till exit and found a table where she wasn't allowed to enter from that side. She doesn't care but happy to find a table, I follow her and do the same, so did 2 other women. A waitress finds us and get very angry and told us off, but we ignore her.
As we started eating, some security with the waitress came and took the numbers we somehow wore on our shirts, and told us to come to see the manager later.
We discuss this and still think it's not a bog deal since other people are sitting in the area with no problem.
But we (me, my mom, skinny bubbly blonde girl and cute pale smiley girl) decided to go as told and walking out from the food court, but my mom had just bought us drinks on a tray, so I grab one to drink now whole one of the girls is buying a cake by the entrance/exit door, the cakes look amazing and I think I should come back here later.
The drink I took was milkshake with some Oreo crunches and was very nice. I let my mom try.
We go outside the complex.
The cute girl has disappeared or coming later. We are 3 now, as we walk following the skinny girl as she seems to know the area very well.
We were talking about how ridiculous to be called on such a small thing and I say "They can't blame us on going through "Men"s exit, if that's what we are blamed for, it's totally sexist!", as we walk I ask her name and she says her name which sounded like Polish, and I thought she was Polish, but she mumbled and seemed to decided now and says her name was Julia, English version of her name to make it easier to pronounce.
We pass by a row of many stalls in market square and she goes into one opening the shutter of the stall "This is what I do". It was a shop selling guitars and all over the wall was wooden number plates for cars lots of them were in Japanese. We go into the stall and look at those hand carved plates. I find one which bears the area where my friend lives, Shimizu city, Shizuoka plate.
We go out and onto the big square where I started to recognize the area, thought it was near London Bridge. There is a street with old fashioned very European style houses/buildings.
Julia points that street and tells us "that red building is the head office of the complex".
We walk on the street, it was very ghetto and see many various people walking, some beggers, some dressed in weird clothes like a folk parade.
I, also notice that was dressed in traditional German warrior costume with a sword and a long bread knife in my hand. (!)
I notice 2 German old guys in striped (prisoner style) ragged clothes were behind my mom and as I was going to warn her of them, she notices too and says "go away!" to them, they were laughing and took her wallet from her jacket pocket.
I made sure it was hers, a pink nylon one I know she has quite a lot of cash inside when being on holiday, I somewhat feel ashamed of her lack of security scare (*Japan is a safe country!), and I took 2 knives into a cross and took a fighting fit towards them.
Knowing them somehow that they are German, I worried a bit that I look so ridiculous in German warrior costume, this may anger them, but I managed to pick that wallet off them and throw it towards my mom and Julia, who picked up safely and are watching me worriedly.
They started running after me, so I ran. now I am very scared, I don't feel safe at all with lots of people around in the broad day light because it's such a ghetto anything can happen and can't trust any random people here.
I run into one red building where Julia said was the head office of the complex, there were few doors and didn't knownwhich one but having no time, I pick one where it had a sign "Strange Air Group" in Japanese(!). I go through several doors until I find one room I decided to hide. The room was like a hotel room with clean bedroom, I try to lock the door, but struggle to do it since the locking system was strange. I think about going down the window to escape if they find my way soon.
A bit of a gap here, when I realized, I'm trying to enter different red door this time.
This one had a high gap between the building entrance to the main door, I suspect this is because of the flood scare, there was a canal by it to make me think of Amsterdam.
I climb up with no effort and go up the staircase, several random doors after, I ran into a room where about 10 women all in the middle of making their hair/make-up supervised by one lady like a hair dressing class. I say ti this lady "I'm very sorry to bother you this way, but someone is trying to attack me and I need to...hide! please!" and I run inside one of the women's white long cape feeling terrified..
Few seconds pass, and it's hot inside the cape. The teacher lady touches me and tells me there is noone to find me here, so I come out little bit sheepishly, and I walk towards the window to see if I can see the guys are there.
All the women are looking with curiosity in silence, they were harmless but belong to completely different world that I can't relate, ask for help or trust.
The scene I saw from the window.., there was a courtyard there and many people are walking about, chatting etc, no sight of those 2 guys chasing me, but there are 2 big old oil drums under the fire, and inside the drums seem like a manure from animals or human.. and I can see few people were thrown inside and floundering and suffering. (a bit like the final scene from "Salo -120 dys of sodom-" by Pasolini, my most feared film ever).
When I noticed, I was greeted with an old scruffy grey haired guy next to me while all the women look on, he came from the next door I didn't noticed when I entered, contrary to the clean white room with women dressing up, this door and the room I could see was all dirty and dark, cold toolbox kind of place. He was wearing a dirt/metal stained thick apron and smiling at me in a pure friendly way but had one eye completely broken and wounded in a bad way.
He says "I was expecting you"
I somehow don't feel so scared, and somewhat felt he wasn't evil or harmful despite the look and what I saw outside the window.
That when I woke up...

*note
Images are not mine but from google image, I had such clear imagery of dream scenery and people, objects that I want to visualize so I tried to add what's closest to what I saw here..
I guess, I do photography because I am forever trying to recapture my mental images.
And mental images that we all have are such a deep mystery treasure of the self (with or without the "meaning" of dreams, I don't anylize it but purely to enjoy and be amazed) these dreams I am having really made me think the depthless infinity visions one of us own!
It's truly amazing to be able to "see" and "experience" the unknown films your own head is showing while sleep..
It's an ultimate film pleasure of the most unique and original kind.



Friday 24 July 2009

Square photos: Footsteps


Like many people, I am more often taking my compact camera with me than too "pro"-looking big SLR cameras nowadays. It's simply an easy way not to miss an opportunity to capture what I see casually, let alone the quality of the compact cameras getting so great.
I have purchased my new compact camera which I tend to upgrade/change every year, my latest one is a Ricoh's CX-1. It's a great camera for its auto-compensation light adjustment system and the lens etc, but my personal favourite is its square format option.
I have a lovely Hasselbrad (If you're not familiar with camera brand, this is like a Gibson for guitars, Alfa Romeo for cars) which is decorating my room but not bee out for a while (I feel guilty but can't simply have time/money to shoot films so much nowadays), so this option is perfect for me, I love 6x6!
Here are some shots I took and currently expanding the project called "Footsteps"














Sunday 19 July 2009

When I feel "English"

There are some occasions that I feel like an English person than Japanese..
I thought it'd be funny to list these up when I had one of those moments today,
I was crossing a road, off course my side of traffic light was red, I was waiting for the cars to pass so I can cross when one of them was sooo slow I had to actually stop than keep walking snail-speed which was annoying then my mind was saying "Go on, go! are you slow-motion or something?!"
which wasn't nice of me even only in my head... this is more of a Londoner I guess for being hasty (also my home town Osaka has the same reputation for being the fastest walking people in Japan) always in a hurry and short-tempered.
This is why I need to take some time off from my "city" and "robot-commuter" mode and feel more relaxed and happier.

There are moments I feel "English"

1; When I'm commenting ("tsukkomi" in Japanese comedy term )unconsciously in English, especially in jokes. (like above case) and when I swear.

2; When abroad, I expect others to speak English in order to communicate (well, but I have to add, I try to speak native languages also)

3; Loving Japanese foods too much and actually accept the quality of some street sushi chains those otherwise not quite accepted as authentic/good Japanese foods by real Japanese people.

4: Dreaming in English

5; When I come home from being away, first thing to think is to put the kettle on and have a cuppa tea (and sigh)

6; When English speaker friends ask me for English grammar or spelling.

7; When I open conversation with people who aren't too close friends, I can't avoid talking about the weather.

8; I've never needed an umbrella just for a drizzle.

9: I feel suddenly hungry when I smell the vinegar on chips on streets.

10; When I pronounce Japanese words with English accent. (feel bit embarrassed though)

11; When I feel embarrassed to see silly groups of British hen/stag people abroad.

12; When I notice I am unconsciously supporting Brits for big international sports events.

13; When I put crisps (potato chips) inside sandwiches. And sandwich has to be accompanied by crisps.

14; I can have cuppa tea with dinner of any sorts. (I don't do this anymore though)

15; When I say "innit". (I say as a joke though)

16; When I can type in English about 25 times faster than in Japanese. (always)



The list can go on, so I will edit this again, I should write about the reversed version too ("When I feel I'm Japanese" etc)

x
shoko

Saturday 11 July 2009

Dreams: 11.07.2009

It's saturday, and I slept for long time after such a busy time I had for over a month. 
I'm sure I deserved this long deep sleep, and hence my dreams were amazing..
Yes. I'm still on Nic patches :)

First I remember:
I was in a sushi bar with Hiromi finishing our dinner, I had one piece left to eat when Hiromi went to the toilet and I asked for the bill to the waiter that I wanted to pay before she comes back. As I turned my head I saw my relative, Akibo there sitting and having sushi at the counter, he greets me and offers me a nice looking eel and cucumber roll.
Below the other side of the counter, there was a old wet and dirty wooden pallet and I can see a mice or two running in such a speed towards under the counter where the food was kept and I thought disgusting..

Second I remember:
I had a big argument with my family (dad, mom and brother) at home and my brother said something outrageous to me, so my head boiled over it and snapped, I took a jar or a glass in from of me on the table and with a hint of hesitation, I threw it to him and ran outside.
I was angry but knew if I was going to run away, I needed some stuff like mobile phone, wear shoes etc, so I went quickly back to my room to grab a bag and ran outside.
I somehow fear but expect my mom to try to get me, so I look back many times but can't see anyone following me. I feel relieved because I really wanted to be alone and don't want to lose my own game. (hide and seek?)
I run down to the market centre which really exists in my hometown only 5 min walk, but from there the place was new and it's now like a massive shopping centre.
I walked in to find somewhere I can hide and chill. I really wanted to be alone since I know and expect my family is in the search of me by now.
I pass a big chinese restaurant where lots of people are having post wedding dinner and is noisy. I went in to go to the toilet there, I knew the toilets are downstairs. The waiter looked at me but didn't care about me so I went down. 
There is a toilet but 2 girls are queueing and chatting that I didn't want to go there, so I keep walking deeper inside and there I see a part of gym and pool complex. I don't see anyone in there and it's very dimly lit. A guy turns up but I tell him I only want to use the toilet over there and he didn't care, so I cross a small river of pool (I was bare foot then) and walk on thinking this is the perfect place to chill and be alone.
there are many different settings of pools and saunas all quite dark. I actually find a few people hanging around like a membership only weird gay bar. (as in a Lynch film or "Donnie Darko" style)
When I notice, I was in the shopping centre and was with Natasha window shopping.
We go into a Sony interior shop, it's very cute and I adore so many things there, pop and chic colouful goods and furniture.
There appears this tall smiley guy called Andy, and he joined me for window shopping.
We chat, and before I know my family was there to take me home. Andy was a friend or relative of my family. He joins the gang of his family, a small child etc and we all walk back to home.
But I was still angry and I think I was pissed off about being found and had to go home, so I try not to walk close to my family or meet their eyes.
Place changes:
I am in London and it's very late at night and dark.
I'm on my own and on the way home (home is mixed here with London home and Japan home).
First, I ride on a open air flying object (like a ski lift) which flies so high and fast I get very scared. It flies over very dark misty forest, it's mysteriously beautiful but I'm more scared to enjoy it.
Then I am on the taxi queue (this is in Japan, real station taxi rack) and I find Marc Brown queueing too. I say hi and he says "wow we always bump into somewhere weird in weird hours!" and asks me how much it's going to cost to get home, I say about £7 but later I rethink it should be less. 
He was with a friend and they decided to talk to the taxi/bus centre in search of an alternative way of getting transport. 
I see 2-3 people waiting for a last bus at my bus stop, but I decide to wait for a taxi.
Different place now, in london:
I am somewhere north London in Muswell hill. I am waiting for a night bus.
It is drizzling and there are quite a few people waiting for busses too.
in front of us was some part construction piece of wood divider and beyond that there is a small stall where 2 Japanese guys selling their own branded clothes.
Some people waiting for a bus have a look and one old tall guy in his 60's buys a hunting cap in blue linen, same as one of the shop guys wearing.
The shop sells quite cool styled clothing range, casual sporty and chic. (Ralph Lauren style?)
I see a bus coming and it is number 55.
I ask the driver if he is going to Finchley Road station and he says yes. so I try to find the oyster card reader, then I noticed that this bus was different to any other London busses. 
Behind the driver there're some people making teas and coffees to sell, I can see the ready made ones with marker penned prices, 80p, 120p, 95p etc.
I got on and find even more weird things onboard.
It's massive inside and has such a room, like a hotel lobby. I get my iPhone out and take some photos of inside the bus. I walk around and I even find a big kitchen where catering can be offered for the passengers. The kitchen was closed and I see its metallic cold blue air.
the bus number 55 was running on Finchley Road but takes a detour into a small town with lots of green surroundings. It's almost like a forgotten small village, but the green part was so big just like a peaceful drawing of Jehovah's witness leaflets.
It was actually a cemetery and the green was wet with rain, and was shone with somehow so many street lights in white.
I quickly think this IS the place I want to do the photoshoots. A perfect green and setting. So I remember the way to get here and think  "I don't have to go up to Scotland or outside London for the shoot!" (because I am planning to go on a shoot trip with Natasha in a car)
I even had a temptation of getting off right there to shoot but I didn't have my camera.
the bus now joins back to the big Finchley road to take me home.
The cemetery green world was another world's away compared to the usual weekend late night scene in London and it made me think it was a beautiful dream just for 5 minutes before reality hit back.

I had one more dream before waking, about my parents.
I completely understand most of the parts why I dream.
I am away from "home" in Japan and think and worry about my family so much they are always in my dreams. for this last one I was trying to make my newly retired dad who seems lost and depressed about his new life, feel good by making changes in their bedroom, cooking and walking. I had just emailed them how I would enjoy every single new thing my dad could never do if he was working.
And more scarilly, I see now my dreams reflect what and how I am to my family and what I am doing in my real life in general.
I am always trying to "get away" in search of more comfortable place and not facing the real life problems and things to tackle. That's why I am always running away from something or something is after me and I am always feeling uneasy and worried, but I enjoy something I encounter during my "running away" like I was staring at the wet green shiny cemetery from a bus window. 
I think I am a passenger in my own life watching the scenery go by.


Friday 26 June 2009

Dreams: 26.06.2009

Right-O!
Nicotine patch nightmare/vivid dreams theory is right.
It's over 2 weeks on now since I quit smoking and on nic patches that I grow more love than smoking now because of this dream effect.
Not sure though if this is something to do with the fact I am deadly tired and sleepy at work (this being my work at desk with papers/phones,..boring) for the past whole month. Or am I just getting old? Surely I should have more energy now than smoking days. My skin is getting better again except the aging thing I can't quite avoid(!)
I'm eating healthy, lots of vegetables, fruits, water, fish in my main diet with vitamine/minerals supplements.
Anyhow! I was talking about dreams.. yet here again before I forget.
I have a way of "recording dreams" in my own way, I shall write about that soon too since lots of people can't and forget it when they wake.

Dream I had this morning was so funny, I'm sure I was laughing in my sleep, this rarely ever happen to me because my dreams are always scary and uneasy.

I was living in a top floor apartment of 3 storey-building with some friends.
Maria (from Sweden that was really visiting me very recently) was visiting me and Wojtek was around visiting too. I ask Maria what she wants to drink "Just water is fine" "Are you sure, we have tons of drinks in the kitchen" "yes really, just water for me" Maria replies.
Me and Wojtek go to the kitchen through a narrow corridor stairs where Wojtek parked his bicycle with other bikes there making it narrower for us to pass. A green chunky second-hand bicycle it was.
We came to the kitchen and I grab 2 glasses and start making 2 gin and tonics while Wojtek take some beer cans.
There's a huge party going on downstairs, so we go down to peek.
Many people are there as if it was a night club with banging rock music. Some are already very drunk.
As we make our way back to my apartment, a girl in blue dress who looks a little like Pixie Geldof comes to me and asks me if there is anotehr party upstairs.
I don't want her coming to my party (room), so I say "no, we're just having drinks before going to bed" but she follows us to the stairs.
There's a second floor apartment, and we find people there are preparing for a party there with 2 big DJ decks and lightings. I tried to get her attention there and say "Look, they're having party soon too, it looks cool" but she didn't seem interested in but still follows us to the top apartment.
We kind of ignore her and keep going upstairs but when she's really trying to sneak into my apartment, I stop at one corner stairs so she can't follow and get my gesture 'you are not welcome'.

Changes over to another dream (funny one):
Somewhere, someone's house? Manjeev comes with his friend chasing me in a friendly jokey way. He is tickling me and trying to find out if I touch my belly button like they do too. I run around to avoid the tickling. They conclude that I don't since I'm covered in shirts and jeans(?!).
I say "Why don't you just play with your own belly button fluffs?!"
With this, Katy who was there sharply pointed out that she has something to show us all.
There's Bradly with her too. She brought forward a piece she made.., a small image of some hand-made fabric portraying monkey or some sort.
As we look closer, you can see the face of a monkey is made out from a big chunk of belly buttom fluff that Katy must have collected into a big ball off Brad's.
The image moves into a short video clips and it was so funny we laugh our heads off.
It was funny both that she made all this effort with belly button fluff and the video image of this mini monkey moving around.
I woke up from laughing..

I know it's not funny reading this.
I'm wondering whether or not to tell this to any of the people came into my dreams today, they may think I'm a weirdo.

Wednesday 24 June 2009

Dreams: 24.06.2009

I had another dream of someone trying to break into our house (in Japan) this morning..
I have recently noticed that I have this recurring dreams of similar sorts: either I'm hiding inside the house not to be seen from any windows, locking all the doors and windows, or trying to get help (police I guess) for intruders/burglars.
And 80% of my dreams are set in my home in Japan or nearby neighbourhood.

In this dream,
I was on my own in the house, just came back but am going out for a little shopping, I have a eco bag on my shoulder and ready to leave, when I just left the door into the garden, I witness a car accident whereby 2 bikes and a car are involved. I see the moment when a biker fell on the ground.
A car door in the middle of 2 bikes opens and there're 3 guys in it. 2 of them come out and ask me what I've seen, I think they need an eye witness so I say what I saw, "I just saw the biker fell on the ground but couldn't see anything else"
For some reason, I have a bad air form these guys and the whole thing, so I try not to talk anymore, and I remember to lock all the doors of the house, the back door wasn't locked.
As I tried to go back to the house to lock the door, one of the guys asked me if I have some pain killers, "yes, no problem, I have ibuprofen, I'll bring some, can you wait around here?" I say.
But on the contrary to my intention of trying to get them away from me and the house, they follow me to the front door. I shut the door as I walk in to get the pain killers which I actually had in my bag but pretended I have in the house so I can go back and lock the door.
I walk in and lock the front door where they wait. I dashed to the back door and lock it too, then go back to the front door just to slip 2 tablets out to them before I shut again to lock it.

Right, it's been 2 days and I already forgot the rest of the story.
It was uneasy feeling..
My reading is that I have some unfinished business and worries in my house back in Japan.
Mostly about my parents I worry as they get older and I still find it hard to grasp that I am not a little girl raised, supported, loved, taught etc anymore and should be supporting my parents in return from now on..

Tuesday 16 June 2009

YO LA TENGO: My Favourite band




Thanks to mister James McNew (Bass) who always arranges guestlist for me and my friend Dale. We went to see them last night play as a part of Ornette Coleman's Meltdown festival at Southbabk.

We last saw them do a "Sound of the sound of Science" (soundtracks to an old documentary of undersea creatures made by Jean Painleve (french Avan-garde film maker) at the festival hall in 2007.
James got us aftershow passes so we were excited to meet and chat to say thanks! but despite the fact passes which clearly written "aftershow" and "AAA" (All Access Area), there wasn't any party... though we asked several people and they all said the different places to go and some took us backstage area to find the party..
It was reminiscent to that for being the same Southbank, but this time there WAS an aftershow and we could have a good chat with James, though I again.. failed to say hi to Ira and Georgia who were right next to us... I'm shy..

 
This is where the party was held (before) it had this David Lynch air and loved it!

The show was intimate one with Q&A style with random audience questions and they answer and play songs (from simplified set of one acoustic guitar, bass, and drums, them sitting down) .
I was little disappointed first when I saw the set, for I love their electric set where Ira goes mental with his guitar like a little guitar kid. but it was really interacting cosy evening with YLT and they were funny and friendly. I personally loved the acoustic version of "Tom Couteney" and "Sugar Cubes", "Nowhere near", they also did covers for The Velvet Underground and The Fugs.

They are back in Novermber after the new album out in September (Matador).
James saud they'll be playing one day in London's Roundhouse in the beginning of November followed by 7-8 European countries.
I saw them (one of the best YLT show!!! I was dancing) in Spain at Primavera Sound Festival in end May, the last night, and I get to see them again this year, only makes my year happier :)))
I and Dale (who is also a great artist and musician) are thinking of (was my never-talked-about dream) putting a show for James to play a small solo show as Dump as his project as Dump is one of my favourite music around for a long time for me but he's never played shows as dump in UK (except one brief occasion in Glasgow with The Pastels 1998).
If this happens, it's be my day....
He seems to be into underground Japanese music and Dale is a friends with Tenniscoats etc and ahs a good network in Japanese music scene, and the perfect venue for this would be our friends' venue lovely Cafe Oto!

I'll keep posted if anything new happens.. but I just wanted to show some lovely images here and say thanks to the world's sweetest band Yo La Tengo again :)




Monday 15 June 2009

Dreams: 15.06.2009

Another epic drama dreams this morning (I started loving this nicotine patch effect I will be more addictive!)
This one was me being behind the drama..
There're 2 types of dreams, one is where you are yourself and actively in the dreams, and the other is like "watching" a film/TV youre not really in it but sometimes your role is someone else..
This was the latter one, I was a middle aged Japanese male (who looked/seemed like our family friend in Brazil or the main charactor in my recent read book-Japanese SF-"Pigs of Cadara")

(SHORT VERSION now since I forgot ..)
I (middle aged male) am in mission of finding a lost wife and the kids in ancient Greek lookalike places where all warriors are fighting in heavy iron cast armours and speak unknown languages.
As many as few hundreds musculine men are cultivating a new found land chanting pulling tons of heavy stones and they look scary but I ask one of them where I could find my wife and kids. A guy spoke in ancient language someone around me translated. He looked angry for purely being strong and keen at work, he showed me his one hand which only had 4 fingers. I asked what happened to his lost finger and he laughed loud and said "I lost it over there" pointing to the deep cliff behind us.
Suddenly soft earth starts colapsing and many men fell into the cliff (nothing to do with this guy with 4 fingers) like a sudden earthquake.
I somehow struggle to cling to the earth and managed to climb up and up and up until I have no sense in my bofy anymore.
I find myself in a shack so quiet and somewhat peaceful.
I know now that my wife and kids are safely looked after here. 2 girls aged about 4 and 6 and thre is one girl aged under 2 who is a daughter of mine but I had not seen for being part before she was born.
I don't say a word but take out some dishes I brought all the way to give to them in front of them. some berry jellycake for the eldest and smaller cakes to the other 2 on plates were kept as they were in my rucksack surprisingly in the chaos I had to go through.
My wife recognizes me but stays cool and quiet for the kids to recognize me first naturally.
We have this amazing bonding reunion including this never-met my new daughter around us and happy ending (well I woke up)...........

Thursday 11 June 2009

Dreams: 11.06.2009

Nicotine patch affect? (I'm on quiting smoking second time since a few days)
I am enjoying the ever so vivid and weird dreams recently and thought I have to make a record of it sicne my dream diary notebook has been neglected for awhile now..
I was told I'd have nightmaes by a nurse if I'm on 24 hour patch which I was very excited about, I love nightmares, the kind of zombies, the end of the world, cliff, running, etc not the kind like work, numbers..

First I remember..
I was waiting for a friend (old friend I haven't seen for 10 years) who was going on a trip with me and some others in a station-like place, I was holding coffee and cup of water and struggling to hold all and text/call her to check where she is, the departure time is approaching and need to board.
The time came so I departed without her but later found her with my other friends in the big stadium (concert of ancient building?) and she came to greet me kissing on cheeks and apologized for her lateness and benig unable to be contacted. She says she "in in a deep shit something relating with some guys and a pistol"
I get pissed off and frustrated because I was worried for her arrival and trying to make sure the trip goes ok for us all but I was the last person to see her and others already appeared to know the situation about her.
I think, "Ok she's been chased by mafia guys and is on the run."
We arrive at a stunningly beautiful shore, a tropical island, clean blue water and lots of beautiful fish amaze me (one jellyfish meets prawn like creature in the shallow water and some colourful fish).

Second part..
I am at home in Japan with mom and brother. I need to go to the toilet, so I go there but find out whole toilet or the house is filled with water, so I can't flush the loo but it mixes with the water inside. I feel floating in it.
When I come out I see 2 guys are trying to break into out house, mom's gone somewhere, I hid myself by the door (wooden big one with glass window by it-in real life too-) and check the chain is down on the door. I gesture my brother that they're burglers. they're now by the other side of the door talking and checking how to break in.
I think about calling the police immediately, my brother comes on the other side of the door from me to hide, he brings a gun (toy gun but can be fatal..with wooden bullets) and aims at them through the door. I panic.
And as he shoots them, I run amock and grab a phone (cordless luckily!) and run into the next door neighbour's garden as I dial 199 (not sure why 199, not 999) and the line reaches a woman in (police officer) a too relaxed tone. I tell her the address and ask for an amburance and police right now. She asks about the situation and I get frustrated for her slow tone. I want to hide until the police comes in case I get killed before but worry about my brother and feel coward for running off.
I can't seem to find a perfect place to hide and wait, so I go as far as to the medic centre (200m away) and as I make my way back to the house to check what's going on now and bump into the 2 burglers who are looking sheepish both in bandaged arms (they were shot by my brother with wooden bullets) and almost apologize me for coming back to our house to burgle (they burgled before!), and my brother defends them. I am still angry, so I try to remember their stupid faces so I can sue them.

Third part.. complete crystal crisp beauty dream
Our home in Japan moved to some urban house, only in a very high altitude place, almost like heaven, things are white, clean, floating feeling..
We are having a dinner party, my mom cooked so beautiful, refined food, there are several guests all around the garden. I want to take some good photos of the food and the party, already imagining the images of it as pictures in my head and I run to the old house to grab my camera kit.
I have to walk through small town, all this place is such a transparent, clean, crisp, afresh, white world (as I imagine heaven would be) the old house is on the top of a building (open plan roof top apartment) and some guys are working to repair a lift, for a minute I panic thinking I can't reach there without it, but soon I find out I could use the staircase. I run up to the top and find my camera bag. I see some people are hanging about but I know the stuff we left in the old house is safe somehow.. I see Alfonso there noticing me but I have no time so go back to the new house.
The journey is lovely, this is a crisp crystal frozen world and as I walk, I took some frozen leaves off the road, little triangle-ish pale purple leaves coated in thin ice snaps in my hands (still remember this feel now!) almost like a mini electric shock and I enjoy this.
I see frozen water reed/grass growing from a pond I pass by. Beautiful pale green with round pointy frozen ice on top of each grass.
Place changes, and I am on the way to somewhere I have to go. It's like Alps here, beautiful huge mountains, very BIG and clear air. There is a big cable car going between mountains surprisingly so many people like a commuting train. I try to get on with a woman who is also on her way hurriedly. I find my space on the very back of the car, it's full of people, about 40-50 of them.


I don't remember the rest...

I do my own analysist on my dreams and I often see the fragment of reality parts which happened to me recently or things I saw/thought.. but I don't believe in connecting too general keywords in trying to read the meaning, in fact, I don't quite believe in having meanings in dreams.
For this dream,
I was holding drinks and struggling: maybe because I had a nice dinner with a friend the night before and our table was full, and one point I was worried about empty glasses staying by the edge of the table.
being frustrated: I had been sometime recently for having to organize schedules with lots of people but some didn't go so smooth and I got very tired.
Tropical island: my recent trip to Spain? fish: my recent fish eating in Spain?
leaves/grass: maybe I had to sit on the grass by a tree for a bit the night before for being a bit ill?
cable car: maybe a reflection of London tube strike happening right now, for having to change my route to work. (but greatly enjoying this different journey to my usual :)

Who knows?
I love dreaming, dreaming is like being in a cinema, dreaming is like letting all my soul free and watch some stories, dreams are like finding my little pieces that is stored in my millions of mind drawers, I cherish every one of them.

x
shoko