Dreams: 27.07.2009

It took me 4 days to actually write this blog since I dreamt, so it's faint now, but it was pretty amazing I had to put down here.

It must be actually boring to just "read" dreams (someone else's too!) here, and I always feel quite ashamed that I can't express enough the amazing visionaries.

This is no exception..

I was at home in Japan (as always in my dreams), and in the evening, our house somehow had this massive glass windows where we are watching the stars move.

They were moving in time lapse, the sky is moving so fast like 100 times faster that we can experience the whole night clear sky/stars movement in an hour.

I was dazzled with its beauty and completely tranced out with this while other people around me were rather not touched as if they see this every night. There were shooting stars too every few seconds.

I am filming this with my iPhone and other camera.

It looked almost exactly like this, (totally amazing clip I was introduced by my friend Manjeev, thanks!)

Some point, I am watching what I shot, somehow this was commissioned to broadcast in Japan, but all I see was shots of some Japanese band members (Diamond Yukai, The Privates were there) and I'm wondering what happened to the film and at the same time I'm professionally ashamed of my technique and quality of film I produced and worrying about the reaction of viewers and clients.

That was that. I have once seen a sky like this, full milky way and many shooting stars, in Tokushima, Japan 15 years ago, me and friends were lying on the road and counting shooting stars and we didn't know what we were watching, milky way! because we couldn't believe they were all stars together which made up to make such a big strip of line and such bright thing! I thought it was a thick cloud. But the one I saw in my dream was more beautiful especially it was time lapsed.

I like "visions" that we can "see" wether in photography or dreams, films because it can portray little bit beyond what human bare eye can capture. (Although I have to note that our eyes are superior to camera lens in a literal sense.)

Dreams: 26.07.2009

I love dreaming with nicotine patch vivid affect so much, but sometimes this is very tiring and need to shut down when I sleep (on a weekday normally) so I started to take off before going to bed (I'm on 24 hour patch) but I was wearing one this morning since I was drunk last night and wasn't aware..

Hence I had amazing vivid, scary dreams again, 2nd one is almost like a proper prologue of a horror film (a bit cheap kind though to my liking like "Hostel" style)

First dream;

I was back in Japan, and as we normally do, my mom and I were in a shopping centre, she wants to spoil me and buy something I like. We are buying a bag or scarf (I don't remember) and at the till, she is greeting with a saleswoman and says "This is my daughter, lives in London" and she adds some remark which is her worry, so for myself too "She's not married yet.." or something like that, then I took it too personal and got very angry. We were talking in Japanese, but I started shouting in English to her half-conscious that she would understand (she understands English pretty well) "what does that mean?! Just because I'm not married and have no kids or house, I'm not intentionally doing it, so don't make it sound like I'm incomplete as a human!!"

Then I ran off into shopping centre's backdoor.

Place changes and now I have just arrived in Japan, but at the goods loading area of the big shopping centre Takashimaya, we have our exclusive storage and VIP customer service, there is a door with our name Ishikawa. We are taking my big suitcase but my mom asks me to take all the stuff inside into some bag to take home but not the suitcase. I say "no I need the suitcase at home so I know how much stuff I can pack to go home-London- when I go".

I was opening the suitcase, at this time my usual big normal suitcase turned into a big hard shell white guitar case which I thought was cool.

Place changes again, me and my mom are half running because my dad has come to pick us up from the airport, this time he came to different junction (like motorway junction) and waiting for us.

It's late at night and only light was from the moon, there is the sea on the left side, and right side was forest-like nature with a motorway running across.

We were running on a wet asphalt but because of the darkness and moonlight, it looks like an ice shone in blue, very beautiful.

I say this to my mom and we slow down to see the scenery a little bit.

My dad joins us and suddenly it was daytime and other people around too.

We stopped by the shore and I see, yellowy white fat snake coiled up on a piece of wood, my dad says "Look, it's swallowing something" we see something has just been eaten by it, a rather big belly part was moving downward, I imagine the prey being a rascal or a beaver...

The I see yellow tropical fish almost walking on the shore, followed by shiny blue hairtail fish "running" after it. I go to the other side towards the dry field where I see some other animals.

I take my camera and shoot away. The way I take photos is exactly how I do and sometimes struggle with flash being on and off, frame size and macro settings, weird.. this was very realistic!

Second dream:

I and my mom are on holiday somewhere and in a massive complex of shopping/restaurants/amusement, we are in a food court and queueing to pay. It's very busy.

My mom couldn't wait long and went for "Men" section of till exit and found a table where she wasn't allowed to enter from that side. She doesn't care but happy to find a table, I follow her and do the same, so did 2 other women. A waitress finds us and get very angry and told us off, but we ignore her.

As we started eating, some security with the waitress came and took the numbers we somehow wore on our shirts, and told us to come to see the manager later.

We discuss this and still think it's not a bog deal since other people are sitting in the area with no problem.

But we (me, my mom, skinny bubbly blonde girl and cute pale smiley girl) decided to go as told and walking out from the food court, but my mom had just bought us drinks on a tray, so I grab one to drink now whole one of the girls is buying a cake by the entrance/exit door, the cakes look amazing and I think I should come back here later.

The drink I took was milkshake with some Oreo crunches and was very nice. I let my mom try.

We go outside the complex.

The cute girl has disappeared or coming later. We are 3 now, as we walk following the skinny girl as she seems to know the area very well.

We were talking about how ridiculous to be called on such a small thing and I say "They can't blame us on going through "Men"s exit, if that's what we are blamed for, it's totally sexist!", as we walk I ask her name and she says her name which sounded like Polish, and I thought she was Polish, but she mumbled and seemed to decided now and says her name was Julia, English version of her name to make it easier to pronounce.

We pass by a row of many stalls in market square and she goes into one opening the shutter of the stall "This is what I do". It was a shop selling guitars and all over the wall was wooden number plates for cars lots of them were in Japanese. We go into the stall and look at those hand carved plates. I find one which bears the area where my friend lives, Shimizu city, Shizuoka plate.

We go out and onto the big square where I started to recognize the area, thought it was near London Bridge. There is a street with old fashioned very European style houses/buildings.

Julia points that street and tells us "that red building is the head office of the complex".

We walk on the street, it was very ghetto and see many various people walking, some beggers, some dressed in weird clothes like a folk parade.

I, also notice that was dressed in traditional German warrior costume with a sword and a long bread knife in my hand. (!)

I notice 2 German old guys in striped (prisoner style) ragged clothes were behind my mom and as I was going to warn her of them, she notices too and says "go away!" to them, they were laughing and took her wallet from her jacket pocket.

I made sure it was hers, a pink nylon one I know she has quite a lot of cash inside when being on holiday, I somewhat feel ashamed of her lack of security scare (*Japan is a safe country!), and I took 2 knives into a cross and took a fighting fit towards them.

Knowing them somehow that they are German, I worried a bit that I look so ridiculous in German warrior costume, this may anger them, but I managed to pick that wallet off them and throw it towards my mom and Julia, who picked up safely and are watching me worriedly.

They started running after me, so I ran. now I am very scared, I don't feel safe at all with lots of people around in the broad day light because it's such a ghetto anything can happen and can't trust any random people here.

I run into one red building where Julia said was the head office of the complex, there were few doors and didn't knownwhich one but having no time, I pick one where it had a sign "Strange Air Group" in Japanese(!). I go through several doors until I find one room I decided to hide. The room was like a hotel room with clean bedroom, I try to lock the door, but struggle to do it since the locking system was strange. I think about going down the window to escape if they find my way soon.

A bit of a gap here, when I realized, I'm trying to enter different red door this time.

This one had a high gap between the building entrance to the main door, I suspect this is because of the flood scare, there was a canal by it to make me think of Amsterdam.

I climb up with no effort and go up the staircase, several random doors after, I ran into a room where about 10 women all in the middle of making their hair/make-up supervised by one lady like a hair dressing class. I say ti this lady "I'm very sorry to bother you this way, but someone is trying to attack me and I need to...hide! please!" and I run inside one of the women's white long cape feeling terrified..

Few seconds pass, and it's hot inside the cape. The teacher lady touches me and tells me there is noone to find me here, so I come out little bit sheepishly, and I walk towards the window to see if I can see the guys are there.

All the women are looking with curiosity in silence, they were harmless but belong to completely different world that I can't relate, ask for help or trust.

The scene I saw from the window.., there was a courtyard there and many people are walking about, chatting etc, no sight of those 2 guys chasing me, but there are 2 big old oil drums under the fire, and inside the drums seem like a manure from animals or human.. and I can see few people were thrown inside and floundering and suffering. (a bit like the final scene from "Salo -120 dys of sodom-" by Pasolini, my most feared film ever).

When I noticed, I was greeted with an old scruffy grey haired guy next to me while all the women look on, he came from the next door I didn't noticed when I entered, contrary to the clean white room with women dressing up, this door and the room I could see was all dirty and dark, cold toolbox kind of place. He was wearing a dirt/metal stained thick apron and smiling at me in a pure friendly way but had one eye completely broken and wounded in a bad way.

He says "I was expecting you"

I somehow don't feel so scared, and somewhat felt he wasn't evil or harmful despite the look and what I saw outside the window.

That when I woke up...

*note

Images are not mine but from google image, I had such clear imagery of dream scenery and people, objects that I want to visualize so I tried to add what's closest to what I saw here..

I guess, I do photography because I am forever trying to recapture my mental images.

And mental images that we all have are such a deep mystery treasure of the self (with or without the "meaning" of dreams, I don't anylize it but purely to enjoy and be amazed) these dreams I am having really made me think the depthless infinity visions one of us own!

It's truly amazing to be able to "see" and "experience" the unknown films your own head is showing while sleep..

It's an ultimate film pleasure of the most unique and original kind.

Square photos: Footsteps

Like many people, I am more often taking my compact camera with me than too "pro"-looking big SLR cameras nowadays. It's simply an easy way not to miss an opportunity to capture what I see casually, let alone the quality of the compact cameras getting so great.
I have purchased my new compact camera which I tend to upgrade/change every year, my latest one is a Ricoh's CX-1. It's a great camera for its auto-compensation light adjustment system and the lens etc, but my personal favourite is its square format option.
I have a lovely Hasselbrad (If you're not familiar with camera brand, this is like a Gibson for guitars, Alfa Romeo for cars) which is decorating my room but not bee out for a while (I feel guilty but can't simply have time/money to shoot films so much nowadays), so this option is perfect for me, I love 6x6!
Here are some shots I took and currently expanding the project called "Footsteps"

When I feel "English"

There are some occasions that I feel like an English person than Japanese..

I thought it'd be funny to list these up when I had one of those moments today,

I was crossing a road, off course my side of traffic light was red, I was waiting for the cars to pass so I can cross when one of them was sooo slow I had to actually stop than keep walking snail-speed which was annoying then my mind was saying "Go on, go! are you slow-motion or something?!"

which wasn't nice of me even only in my head... this is more of a Londoner I guess for being hasty (also my home town Osaka has the same reputation for being the fastest walking people in Japan) always in a hurry and short-tempered.

This is why I need to take some time off from my "city" and "robot-commuter" mode and feel more relaxed and happier.

There are moments I feel "English"

1; When I'm commenting ("tsukkomi" in Japanese comedy term )unconsciously in English, especially in jokes. (like above case) and when I swear.

2; When abroad, I expect others to speak English in order to communicate (well, but I have to add, I try to speak native languages also)

3; Loving Japanese foods too much and actually accept the quality of some street sushi chains those otherwise not quite accepted as authentic/good Japanese foods by real Japanese people.

4: Dreaming in English

5; When I come home from being away, first thing to think is to put the kettle on and have a cuppa tea (and sigh)

6; When English speaker friends ask me for English grammar or spelling.

7; When I open conversation with people who aren't too close friends, I can't avoid talking about the weather.

8; I've never needed an umbrella just for a drizzle.

9: I feel suddenly hungry when I smell the vinegar on chips on streets.

10; When I pronounce Japanese words with English accent. (feel bit embarrassed though)

11; When I feel embarrassed to see silly groups of British hen/stag people abroad.

12; When I notice I am unconsciously supporting Brits for big international sports events.

13; When I put crisps (potato chips) inside sandwiches. And sandwich has to be accompanied by crisps.

14; I can have cuppa tea with dinner of any sorts. (I don't do this anymore though)

15; When I say "innit". (I say as a joke though)

16; When I can type in English about 25 times faster than in Japanese. (always)

The list can go on, so I will edit this again, I should write about the reversed version too ("When I feel I'm Japanese" etc)

x

shoko

Dreams: 11.07.2009

It's saturday, and I slept for long time after such a busy time I had for over a month. 

I'm sure I deserved this long deep sleep, and hence my dreams were amazing..

Yes. I'm still on Nic patches :)

First I remember:

I was in a sushi bar with Hiromi finishing our dinner, I had one piece left to eat when Hiromi went to the toilet and I asked for the bill to the waiter that I wanted to pay before she comes back. As I turned my head I saw my relative, Akibo there sitting and having sushi at the counter, he greets me and offers me a nice looking eel and cucumber roll.

Below the other side of the counter, there was a old wet and dirty wooden pallet and I can see a mice or two running in such a speed towards under the counter where the food was kept and I thought disgusting..

Second I remember:

I had a big argument with my family (dad, mom and brother) at home and my brother said something outrageous to me, so my head boiled over it and snapped, I took a jar or a glass in from of me on the table and with a hint of hesitation, I threw it to him and ran outside.

I was angry but knew if I was going to run away, I needed some stuff like mobile phone, wear shoes etc, so I went quickly back to my room to grab a bag and ran outside.

I somehow fear but expect my mom to try to get me, so I look back many times but can't see anyone following me. I feel relieved because I really wanted to be alone and don't want to lose my own game. (hide and seek?)

I run down to the market centre which really exists in my hometown only 5 min walk, but from there the place was new and it's now like a massive shopping centre.

I walked in to find somewhere I can hide and chill. I really wanted to be alone since I know and expect my family is in the search of me by now.

I pass a big chinese restaurant where lots of people are having post wedding dinner and is noisy. I went in to go to the toilet there, I knew the toilets are downstairs. The waiter looked at me but didn't care about me so I went down. 

There is a toilet but 2 girls are queueing and chatting that I didn't want to go there, so I keep walking deeper inside and there I see a part of gym and pool complex. I don't see anyone in there and it's very dimly lit. A guy turns up but I tell him I only want to use the toilet over there and he didn't care, so I cross a small river of pool (I was bare foot then) and walk on thinking this is the perfect place to chill and be alone.

there are many different settings of pools and saunas all quite dark. I actually find a few people hanging around like a membership only weird gay bar. (as in a Lynch film or "Donnie Darko" style)

When I notice, I was in the shopping centre and was with Natasha window shopping.

We go into a Sony interior shop, it's very cute and I adore so many things there, pop and chic colouful goods and furniture.

There appears this tall smiley guy called Andy, and he joined me for window shopping.

We chat, and before I know my family was there to take me home. Andy was a friend or relative of my family. He joins the gang of his family, a small child etc and we all walk back to home.

But I was still angry and I think I was pissed off about being found and had to go home, so I try not to walk close to my family or meet their eyes.

Place changes:

I am in London and it's very late at night and dark.

I'm on my own and on the way home (home is mixed here with London home and Japan home).

First, I ride on a open air flying object (like a ski lift) which flies so high and fast I get very scared. It flies over very dark misty forest, it's mysteriously beautiful but I'm more scared to enjoy it.

Then I am on the taxi queue (this is in Japan, real station taxi rack) and I find Marc Brown queueing too. I say hi and he says "wow we always bump into somewhere weird in weird hours!" and asks me how much it's going to cost to get home, I say about £7 but later I rethink it should be less. 

He was with a friend and they decided to talk to the taxi/bus centre in search of an alternative way of getting transport. 

I see 2-3 people waiting for a last bus at my bus stop, but I decide to wait for a taxi.

Different place now, in london:

I am somewhere north London in Muswell hill. I am waiting for a night bus.

It is drizzling and there are quite a few people waiting for busses too.

in front of us was some part construction piece of wood divider and beyond that there is a small stall where 2 Japanese guys selling their own branded clothes.

Some people waiting for a bus have a look and one old tall guy in his 60's buys a hunting cap in blue linen, same as one of the shop guys wearing.

The shop sells quite cool styled clothing range, casual sporty and chic. (Ralph Lauren style?)

I see a bus coming and it is number 55.

I ask the driver if he is going to Finchley Road station and he says yes. so I try to find the oyster card reader, then I noticed that this bus was different to any other London busses. 

Behind the driver there're some people making teas and coffees to sell, I can see the ready made ones with marker penned prices, 80p, 120p, 95p etc.

I got on and find even more weird things onboard.

It's massive inside and has such a room, like a hotel lobby. I get my iPhone out and take some photos of inside the bus. I walk around and I even find a big kitchen where catering can be offered for the passengers. The kitchen was closed and I see its metallic cold blue air.

the bus number 55 was running on Finchley Road but takes a detour into a small town with lots of green surroundings. It's almost like a forgotten small village, but the green part was so big just like a peaceful drawing of Jehovah's witness leaflets.

It was actually a cemetery and the green was wet with rain, and was shone with somehow so many street lights in white.

I quickly think this IS the place I want to do the photoshoots. A perfect green and setting. So I remember the way to get here and think  "I don't have to go up to Scotland or outside London for the shoot!" (because I am planning to go on a shoot trip with Natasha in a car)

I even had a temptation of getting off right there to shoot but I didn't have my camera.

the bus now joins back to the big Finchley road to take me home.

The cemetery green world was another world's away compared to the usual weekend late night scene in London and it made me think it was a beautiful dream just for 5 minutes before reality hit back.

I had one more dream before waking, about my parents.

I completely understand most of the parts why I dream.

I am away from "home" in Japan and think and worry about my family so much they are always in my dreams. for this last one I was trying to make my newly retired dad who seems lost and depressed about his new life, feel good by making changes in their bedroom, cooking and walking. I had just emailed them how I would enjoy every single new thing my dad could never do if he was working.

And more scarilly, I see now my dreams reflect what and how I am to my family and what I am doing in my real life in general.

I am always trying to "get away" in search of more comfortable place and not facing the real life problems and things to tackle. That's why I am always running away from something or something is after me and I am always feeling uneasy and worried, but I enjoy something I encounter during my "running away" like I was staring at the wet green shiny cemetery from a bus window. 

I think I am a passenger in my own life watching the scenery go by.